I won't lie to you, folks — it's been hard after the Infinity War. We're trying the best we can to pick up the pieces, but I don't think I'll ever get used to going to down to the corner store only to realize it's closed because the owner disintegrated.

And I don't have to tell you that it hit the superhero community especially hard. Deadpool, bless him, is still running around on wacky adventures and causing massive property damage, but even that can't fill the void in our heavy hearts.

And let me tell you, it wasn't any more encouraging when the Avengers put out the call for more heroes. I guess we'll have to find a way to deal with it, but just look at the jokers we've got "protecting" us now!


1. U.S. Archer has an implant in his head that picks up C.B. radio transmissions. Because that'll come in handy a lot.

OK, I'm not being fair. Trucking's a fine profession, and he can control his rig with that doodad in his head. 

But what's he supposed to do when the team is sneaking into a supervillain's lair only to get their cover blown by, "10-4, good buddy, the Rubber Duck is en route!"

2. And then we've got Matter-Eater Lad, who can eat absolutely anything but doesn't seem to have the power to stop. 

Because that's what I need when Thanos comes back for round two. Some punk heroically eating my fence while everyone else actually fights him.

Get away from my bushes, kid! I don't care how relatable you are!


3. Dazzler here converts sonic energy into mesmerizing light shows. Yay.

3. Dazzler here converts sonic energy into mesmerizing light shows. Yay.
YouTube |  Veronique Laurent

Don't get me wrong. I've seen her in concert and she's incredible, but she's basically what would happen if you took Jubilee's little firework powers and toned them down even more until they became a sparkler.

Any enemy that gets defeated by her would also be thwarted if I started jingling my keys.

4. Hindsight Lad has the ability to devise brilliant tactical strategies...after the battle's already over.

I'm sorry, but does this kid actually have powers or what? 

Because so far, all I've seen him do is stand in the street and yell stuff like, "You know, Thor should've hit Thanos in the head with his axe" and "Starlord really should've waited until they took the Infinity Gauntlet off."