13+ People Who Did 'Things' For 'Reasons'

Diply 17 Jul 2018

People are always asking me why I do the things I do. The answer is very, very simple: I have no idea.

But that's just me. Sometimes I know what's going on, sometimes I wake up on my kitchen floor half-covered in tinfoil and the oven's been preheating for half an hour. I go through a lot of sour cream and chives that way.

See? I have no idea why I just said that. It's not even true.

Now that you're getting my headspace here...

1. I have no clue who these guys are, what they're doing, or where they're going. 

The Chive | The Chive

What I do know is at no point during this trip did one of them turn to the other and ask "Dude, are you sure this is the right way?"

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2. I only eat free-range chicken that's had a chance to relax for at least four or five hours in a beach chair while enjoying a nice cocktail. You know, to take the edge off.

AcidCow | AcidCow

No joke, though — those chair cushions better be biscuits or something.

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3. There are two kinds of people: those who equip themselves for the most epic onion cutting of all time, and those who weep the tears of the unprepared.

Pleated-Jeans | Pleated-Jeans

Plot twist: She brings cooking supplies to go snowboarding. It's weird, don't ask.

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4. I'm not saying I approve, but two things:

AcidCow | AcidCow

One, this is awesome and you are awesome.

Two, this explains so much about the IT department and why I can never reach them.

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5. This seems ill-advised at best. Sure, you have your iPad hands free, but you've increased your chances of impaling yourself by at least 500%.

DumpaDay | DumpaDay

It just seems more dangerous than it needs to be,.

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The way I figure, you either know how to handle yourself in a bed, or you don't.

GIPHY

And no, that's not a sex thing, that's straight-up "I don't know how to exist properly in a bed."

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6. I watch over this city. I'm its guardian. I am the night. Also, my feet are sweaty.

The Chive | The Chive

Seriously, the humidity inside those garbage bag booties must be off the charts. Gross.

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To be honest, though, I love Batman enough that I wouldn't even worry about that foot funk.

GIPHY

As long as he can do The Batusi, he's OK in my books.

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7. Something about this just doesn't add up.

AcidCow | AcidCow

Like, you were rushing and had to do this in your car instead of at home, but you had the time to prep all this stuff?

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8. I mean, I love dogs and everything. But that's definitely not a photo shirt, it's just a print, right? Why does this feel weird?

Pleated-Jeans | Pleated-Jeans

At least the dog looks chill with it.

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9. I get it, dude. Priorities, right? 

The Chive | The Chive

I mean, you can get aloe for a sunburn, but there's no coming back from a sun-warmed beer. You gotta remember what's important in life.

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10. Ah, yes. No wedding is complete without the bridal combat challenge. And she looks like she's hardcore, so watch out.

AcidCow | AcidCow

"This has been a long time coming, Susan. Prepare yourself for Mortal Kombat!"

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11. This? This is just mean. Sure, there's a little part of me that wants to wait to watch all those clock widgets click over at the same time, but...mean.

AcidCow | AcidCow

Coworkers are the worst.

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12. Uh...cool? That looks super convenient for exactly one situation.

Pleated-Jeans | Pleated-Jeans

I mean, I don't know what it would look like on the ground, but maybe that could work too? I'm not sure.

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13. Yo, this new Weekend at Bernie's reboot looks dope.

Reddit | WildBoi_95

Plot twist: The skeleton is animating the old guy the whole time. Also, Bruce Willis wasn't even a ghost. Boom! Twisted.

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14. I guess I would think it was clever if you drove, like, a long yellow van...you might say a bus.

The Chive | The Chive

But nobody's gonna look at your Chrysler and assume you've got a dozen yelling kids riding in the back. Nice try.

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