14+ People Tell Reddit About The Dumbest Things They Believed As Kids

Diply 10 Jul 2018

I'll warn you now, this article is probably going to bring up a whole lot of bad memories of your dumb childhood self. That's fine. This is a safe space to embarrass yourself.

When Reddit user aqkj asked Reddit the question, "What's the dumbest thing you believed as a child?" the answers came in droves.

We've highlighted some of the very best answers for you below.

1. "I believed that when a woman was pregnant with anything more than twins, the babies weren't all in her stomach area because there was no way they would fit. At the time there was a news story about someone who had sextuplets and I thought the setup was two in the stomach, one in each calf, and one in the underside of each arm." —sensualoctopus

Getty Images | Jill Lehmann Photography

And you know what? Unless you can make a very compelling argument otherwise, I'm going to choose to believe this from now on.

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2. "My sister and I believed that the ghosts in Pac-Man were played by kids in other countries who played the opposite video game." —rizzle_bizness

Getty Images | Adam Berry/ Stringer

This may seem like the kids were just making stuff up, but it's also possible that they accidentally invented online multiplayer gaming.

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3. "That there was a legal age (13) for caffeine, like the way there is one for alcohol. When I was in high school, I saw some small kid buy a coffee from McDonald's, and remarked that it was illegal. My friends still make fun of me for it." —SleptThroughDinner

Getty Images | Fairfax Media

To be totally fair, this probably isn't a terrible idea. It can't be good for kids to get all hopped up on caffeine, can it? Doesn't it stunt your growth? Or is that something that my parents just told me so I'd stop drinking so much Coke?

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4. "That the rock group The Eagles were actually The Philadelphia Eagles doing a side project. When you're 7 and hear 'This is the latest from The Eagles' being announced on the radio and your dad is a Philadelphia Eagles fan, what are you supposed to think?" —candylike_button

Getty Images | RB

This blew my mind recently, but did you know that the band they're talking about isn't called The Eagles at all? They're actually just called Eagles! There's no "The."

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5. "I thought the 'Hotel California' song was literally about The Shining for a very long time." —synfidie

Getty Images | Sunset Boulevard

Let's take a look at the lyrics and see how this checks out.

"This could be heaven or this could be Hell"

"There were voices down the corridor"

"And she said, 'we are all just prisoners here, of our own device'"

"You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave!'

Okay, so it's not perfect, but I can see where they're coming from.

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6. "When I was about 4, my older sister told me that since the population of Japan was so high, Japanese people slept sideways on their beds so they could fit more people on every bed. I believed it until I went to a sleepover at 13 and suggested that we sleep 'Japanese-style' on the bed so everyone could fit." —dmiller22361

Getty Images | Getty Images

Can you really fit more people on a bed with everyone laying sideways? I mean, you wouldn't have to. You could have most people laying the right way, with just however many you needed at the bottom to fill out the rest.

The real question is why I'm spending so much time worrying about this.

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7. "That criminals were the only ones that had DNA. I watched far too many unsolved murder shows as a 7/8-year-old." —scensored

Getty Images | Andrew Brookes

If this was true, no wonder the folks on CSI would be so excited whenever they found DNA. And if they like that so much, there's a really good Kendrick Lamar song I think they'd dig.

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8. "That whenever I saw a store with a 'help wanted' sign in the window I thought they were asking for help because of an emergency going on inside the store." —Poopburb

Getty Images | Geri Lavrov

Another Redditor pointed out how absurd it would be if someone was robbing the restaurant or store and just allowed the owner to casually stroll over and post the Help Wanted sign.

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9. "When I was young my parents told me that if I kept leaving the fridge open then I would freeze the whole world and then no one would like me :(" —BigTXsexy

Getty Images | Gary Burchell

This is actually the image that was taken right before the events of The Day After Tomorrow.

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10. "I used to believe that all TV commercials were live and that the actors had to come back and do the commercials during every break!" —DisabledFloridaMan

Getty Images | Erik Dreyer

I think pretty much every kid thought at some point that TV shows were all aired live, but I don't think I ever stretched it to the ads as well. That sounds like a terrible job, quite frankly.

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11. "That there was an actual black market. I could never understand how the cops couldn't find." —Bige31

Getty Images | Peter Dazeley

Full disclosure here, I absolutely believed this and was deeply confused about the exact same thing. Like, obviously it would be easy to identify, since it would have a whole black color scheme to it.

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12. "Poop was kept in your butt cheeks and if you pooped too much poop your butt would deflate." —Saturday_Repossesser

Getty Images | Robyn Beck

I'm going to be honest, I'm just excited to be able to get paid to type the word "poop" this many times. This is truly a dream come true.

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13. "That Stephen Hawking was in a wheelchair because he was too intelligent. Y'know, like his brain was damaged from being so smart." —El_Magikarp

Getty Images | Bruno Vincent

I don't know science well enough to know why this isn't true, but I'm pretty sure that it isn't. Maybe I should go fact-check it against that Eddie Redmayne movie.

That being said, if this theory holds up, it could explain why I'm such a great athlete.

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14. "I thought that if you chose to be President of the U.S., it was understood (as in, part of the job description) that you would eventually be assassinated. Which made me wonder why anyone would even choose that career to begin with." —FudgySlippers

NASA | NASA

I really don't know how anybody could have even the slightest knowledge of American history and still believe this. Statistically, you only have, like, a 1/11 chance of being assassinated. That's...well, yeah, that's still terrible odds.

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15. "I thought that little people (like Peter Dinklage) were so small because they were born on February 29th. I figured that since their birthday only came round once every 4 years, they would grow to be a quarter size." —SomethingOfTheWolf

Getty Images | Robert Marquardt

What's really wild about this one is that Peter Dinklage's birthday is actually on February 29th...as long as you celebrate his birthday 103 days early.

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16. Probably my favorite thing about this whole exercise is that when I told my department that I was going to be covering this Reddit thread, they couldn't help but tell their own stories.

Slack | Slack

This actually happened. Two of these people are my superiors at work. This is my life.

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