24 People With A Readiness For Pettiness

Diply 18 May 2018

It's not a nice thing to say, but one of the more rewarding feelings we can experience as people is pettiness. Sure, it doesn't lead to positive things down the line, but sometimes you just need to get it out of your system and take it out on someone else. Maybe that means real-world actions. Maybe that just means complaining online. Regardless of how you do it, we salute you in all your pettiness.

1. I thought I was getting a fair serving of meat with this jar, but now I'm calling balogna.

DumpaDay | DumpaDay

To be fair, my biggest concern is how they managed to stack all of this meat in the jar like this. Is balogna a natural adhesive, and I just didn't know it?

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2. At some point, it's no longer lazy, it's just malicious.

DumpaDay | DumpaDay

We do a lot of "humor" here at Diply.com, but we want to remind you that safety is no laughing matter. The emergency exit to your building is not and should never be used as a storage closet.

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3. Listen, if you're going to compromise the structural integrity of my ice cream with your failures of service, then you can't hold me accountable for how I behave in the line.

DumpaDay | DumpaDay

She gets a million extra diva points if she just leaves the empty container on the conveyor belt and refuses to pay for it.

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4. The best kinds of answers to hypothetical questions are, of course, the pettiest answers.

Twitter | @megustaJade

By the looks of things, I'm seeing at least $25 in that pile. What kind of magical allowance was this child getting? I remember being told that room and board was all the allowance I needed.

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5. You've gotta get 'em while they're young, I guess.

Reddit | KungFu-Trash-Panda

And by "get 'em," I, of course, mean diminish their blossoming dreams and goals the second they achieve anything positive in their adult lives.

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6. They say that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but bros aren't exactly without their own share of passive-aggressive fury.

Reddit | Whitlow14

Although, $1.50 isn't very much, so maybe it's more of a perturbance and less of a fury.

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7. I mean, this is how every job ad pretty much reads anyway, so I guess it's nice to see someone just come out and say it.

Reddit | PapaRoachFan1

I'm also very curious about this whole knife hanging off a clothesline situation they've got figured out. I've got questions, and hopefully they've got answers.

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8. I've held some grudges for a long time, but we're coming up to the tricentennial of one of the biggest beefs of all time.

Reddit | Futurejournalist1231

Like, come on, America, you won. It's time to move on.

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9. Man, there are a lot of people out here just not giving a hoot about safety, eh?

Reddit | RanaCarrolima

Unfortunately, calling 911 doesn't come with the added benefit of, y'know, letting the rest of the building know that there's an emergency. Maybe install a gong or something.

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10. Apparently this person's school decided loading these backgrounds on everybody's computer would be the best way to boost business at Ye Olde Repaire Shoppe.

Reddit | BadAnd3z

You know you're at the right school when your own institution is trying to "Nigerian prince" scam you at every possible opportunity.

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11. I'm not even sure who's supposed to be mad in this scenario, but I know that I sure am.

Reddit | functi0nxy

By the looks of it, everywhere outside of this vestibule still thinks this is a bike lane, so those commuters better watch out.

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12. Apparently this is what passes for an "angled bob" at one salon.

Reddit | punkysilg

I mean, yes, I guess those are angles, but I don't know my way around the ol' TI calculator to figure out how to graph it.

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13. You know your makeup game is on point when this happens.

Imgur | iLikeToRubMyToastsTogetherAndMakeAFireSandwich

I don't know how things work in Algeria, but once she's your wife, aren't you basically just suing yourself? Don't you, y'know, like, co-own everything together?

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14. If you ever had your dolls suddenly look like this, you definitely had siblings.

Reddit | TheWoy

I sometimes think that human beings have more than one child so they can prepare them for a lifetime of withstanding verbal and psychological torture.

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15. Pretty much every single time.

Reddit | Chaz630

I hear people say all the time they want to be able to go back and edit tweets. This kind of nonsense is why I think that would be a terrible idea.

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16. Working for an internet-based company, memes are pretty much the only way that work will accept our resignation.

Reddit | klogsman

Personally, I prefer to resign by including memes about quitting in the middle of articles that I write.

Now I'll sit back and watch the chaos, while HR tries to decide whether this caption is me actually quitting or not.

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17. Like I said. Siblings, amirite?

Reddit | KSmooove

If you're the kind of person who prefers to believe things without questioning them, don't read the next sentence.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but this isn't actually real. Hint #1 is that it's spelled "Tamera."

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18. This is why you can't turn public bathrooms into motivational Pinterest-esque places of inspiration.

Reddit | 5dgbo

And trust me, I have tried. I have left some pretty major parts of myself in public bathrooms.

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19. This is honestly hurting my brain.

Reddit | Microsfot451

Which way should I put it? I suppose I could just check the next step to see where the pieces ended up, but if I wanted to work that hard on construction, I wouldn't be building Lego in the first place, would I?

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20. I totally do this too, except I do it IRL.

Reddit | TALCOOP

You'd be amazed by how much of your life you can escape by just jumping into big holes. Getting out is sometimes a problem, but you sure do get a vacation for awhile.

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21. You may be surprised to learn that when I, a full-grown man with a chest full of hair, offered to take him up on his offer, he politely declined.

FunnyQuotesIMG | FunnyQuotesIMG

It was honestly a very nice, cordial conversation. We're best friends now.

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22. The trick to avoiding pizza burning your mouth is to make sure you burn the pizza first.

World of Mysteries | World of Mysteries

This is also the attitude that I bring to all my interpersonal relationships. You can't hurt me if I've already hurt you.

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23. I'm guessing that this guy's parents were sick and tired of him constantly making sock puppets.

Crazy Hyena | Crazy Hyena

The tissues are for when he cries to get over his hobby, and the lotion is to remoisturize his hands after having them jammed into socks for so long.

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24. Just because you have a neighbor doesn't mean you have a friend.

Odd Stuff Magazine | Odd Stuff Magazine

You know that you've reached the right level of pettiness when your actions take more work than to just do the decent thing. Well played, bitter neighbor. Well played.

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