First of all, let's all agree that chicken wings are great. I mean, if that's not something you agree with, then why are you even reading this? Go out, eat a pound of wings, and then come back when you have an opinion that matters.

As for the rest of you...

I'm sure you're wondering which side of this raging debate that I'm on, so you can decide whether or not you hate me. I get it — I do the same thing when I click into an "us vs. them" article. On one hand, drums and flats have been getting along for ages. On the other, nobody on the internet is allowed to peacefully disagree anymore.

Well, get ready. I'm not just telling you which side I'm on. I'm telling you the only side that makes sense.

Ready?

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It's drums. I'm sorry if that comes as a shock to you, but we should get it out of the way now so you have time to come to terms with it.

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Just think about it. The drum is the only wing that you can reliably double-fist to get as much delicious birb meat as possible into your face. It's better for dipping into tasty blue cheese sauce or extra wing sauce to get the sauciest wing possible. 

Sure, there's some cartilage in there that might not be great, but life is about overcoming challenges.

I mean, some people disagree with me. I like to call those people "wrong."

I mean, some people disagree with me. I like to call those people "wrong."
Twitter |  @mvrquiese_
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Listen, if I have to go to prison for eating drums, y'all better get ready for a prison break that goes straight to Wild Wings.

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There is no prison that can hold this level of hangry.

I'm not saying that I only eat the drums. If I get a pound of wings in front of me, you'd better believe I only leave behind the bones when I'm done.

I'm not saying that I only eat the drums. If I get a pound of wings in front of me, you'd better believe I only leave behind the bones when I'm done.
Twitter |  @StaceyRitzen

But if someone's gonna leave me the drums because they only want flats, I mean...I'm not going to make them realize their mistake.

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But, I mean, come on. How can you possibly enjoy eating a pile of chicken half-naked in your bed when you gotta use both hands the whole time?

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It's a lot harder to browse Netflix with saucy fingers. The one-handed drum maneuver wins again.

Yes, I know, it's not impossible to eat flats with one hand. But it kinda sucks, right? It's not difficult — it's just lame.

Yes, I know, it's not impossible to eat flats with one hand. But it kinda sucks, right? It's not difficult — it's just lame.
Twitter |  @_iHeartPink94

Changing your mind about your wing preference based on your own bone-issues is cowardly. I'm just saying it.

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No matter which side of the debate you might land on, I think we can all agree that there's no place for Kool-Aid wings in this world.

No matter which side of the debate you might land on, I think we can all agree that there's no place for Kool-Aid wings in this world.
Imgur |  HamsterOnAGoat

Or any world. 

And that "veggie boneless wings" are an abomination that should not be allowed to exist.

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(Ugh, for reals. That is the worst thing ever. Calling those things "wings" is a travesty.)

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Call them what they are: "vomit-inducing soy discs."

And I think we can also agree that bacon-wrapped chicken wings are probably gonna be amazing no matter what kind they are...

And I think we can also agree that bacon-wrapped chicken wings are probably gonna be amazing no matter what kind they are...
Imgur |  SpartaWolf117
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Wait a minute...those wings are both — drums AND flats!!

Truly, bacon mends all divides. It's the peacemaker we need in these times.

I can appreciate the push for peace here, too — but it's no bacon-merger.

I can appreciate the push for peace here, too — but it's no bacon-merger.
Twitter |  @ImLegalDope

A little passive-aggressive, right? What, we're not real wing-eaters just because we like one more than the other? How dare you, sir.

Really, though, even though drums are clearly better, the real winners here are the people who let us all argue while they snuck over for the fresh 10/10 chicken.

Basically, while y'all were fighting, some people came in and grabbed all the wings first.

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While y'all were reading this article, you could've been eating wings.

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Just like how I've been eating wings while writing this article.

My keyboard is filthy, but I've never been happier.