First of all, let's all agree that chicken wings are great. I mean, if that's not something you agree with, then why are you even reading this? Go out, eat a pound of wings, and then come back when you have an opinion that matters.
As for the rest of you...
I'm sure you're wondering which side of this raging debate that I'm on, so you can decide whether or not you hate me. I get it — I do the same thing when I click into an "us vs. them" article. On one hand, drums and flats have been getting along for ages. On the other, nobody on the internet is allowed to peacefully disagree anymore.
Well, get ready. I'm not just telling you which side I'm on. I'm telling you the only side that makes sense.
Just think about it. The drum is the only wing that you can reliably double-fist to get as much delicious birb meat as possible into your face. It's better for dipping into tasty blue cheese sauce or extra wing sauce to get the sauciest wing possible.
Sure, there's some cartilage in there that might not be great, but life is about overcoming challenges.
I mean, some people disagree with me. I like to call those people "wrong."
I'm not saying that I only eat the drums. If I get a pound of wings in front of me, you'd better believe I only leave behind the bones when I'm done.
Yes, I know, it's not impossible to eat flats with one hand. But it kinda sucks, right? It's not difficult — it's just lame.
No matter which side of the debate you might land on, I think we can all agree that there's no place for Kool-Aid wings in this world.
And that "veggie boneless wings" are an abomination that should not be allowed to exist.
And I think we can also agree that bacon-wrapped chicken wings are probably gonna be amazing no matter what kind they are...
Wait a minute...those wings are both — drums AND flats!!
Truly, bacon mends all divides. It's the peacemaker we need in these times.
I can appreciate the push for peace here, too — but it's no bacon-merger.
Really, though, even though drums are clearly better, the real winners here are the people who let us all argue while they snuck over for the fresh 10/10 chicken.
Just like how I've been eating wings while writing this article.
My keyboard is filthy, but I've never been happier.