911 Operators Share The Dumbest Calls They've Ever Received

Diply 15 May 2018

I called 911 once because I was following a drunk driver. My brother has definitely pocket dialed them before, too. But no one I personally know has ever called 911 for a reason that wasn't an actual emergency.

These 911 operators have heard it all and unfortunately, yeah, they're real stories.

1. The real crisis is that you think cranberry sauce is good.

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"6:30 Christmas morning. 9-1-1 goes off. '9-1-1. what's your emergency?'

Breathless, panicky voice 'How do I get the cranberry sauce out of the can without it coming out in chunks?'

'Open the other end and slide it out on a plate.'

'OH! THANK YOU! You are brilliant!'"

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2. Wash your new clothes!

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"Once we had a young woman call 911 around 2am saying that her legs were turning blue. Turns out she had worn a new pair of jeans to the club that night."

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3. It's uncomfortable to swallow, but not poisonous.

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"I'm not a dispatcher, but back in my EMS days I was dispatched on a call of a child being poisoned. Upon our arrival we find a 14 year old male and his mother. The mother was insisting we take them to the hospital so he could have his stomach pumped because he had swallowed chewing gum. The child was looking at us as if to say, 'I'm sorry my mother is crazy.'"

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4. Oh you sweet, precious little...

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"Caller: A deer just swam across the river behind my house.

Me: Okay?

Caller: Well I am worried it might be cold.

Me:.......Well there is nothing we can do about a deer being cold. Didn't it run off after swinning the river?

Caller: Yes.

Me: Well ma'am it's a wild animal and I'd guess it's going to be fine.

Caller: ok"

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5. The last thing you ever want to do is pick at it. Yuck.

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"Paramedic here.

I had a guy who picked his wart at 3am and it was bleeding.

That's it. That's the story."

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6. That's not...the same thing.

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"Had a lady trying to call an ambulance because she opened a package from Amazon at home and she was afraid that that her kid was about to have a major allergic reaction... From the packing Peanuts.... because the kid was allergic to peanuts, and when her kid mentioned what they were called, she freaked out."

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7. As someone who likes to bake, not knowing the difference between the two could make or break your treat.

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"I had someone a few months ago call 911 to ask if a tablespoon was the big spoon or the little one."

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8. Kitty just wanted some pets.

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"Not a dispatcher but I worked security at a college and fielded the calls as I did my rounds.

The best story I have is a guy who called about a bobcat in front of the library. He called up out of breath and said there was a wild cat intimidating people so they could not enter or exit the building.

I was fairly close so I started to run over. I asked if anyone was injured and he said no. I was expecting a group of people held up at the entrance by a huge cat hissing at everyone. I told him to keep away from it and stay on the line.

When I got there I found a tabby cat perched on a bench.

I verified the caller and the cat he called about. I went over to the cat with him and started pet him, he rolled over and let me scratch his belly.

The guy was shocked and said 'oh, someone has domesticated it.'

Yup. I smiled and walked away."

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9. I've been in the hospital far too many times and have seen lots of people come in with a broken finger.

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"Hubby is a paramedic and good grief. Some of the calls that come over his pager are ridiculous. For example, mom calls because her teenager son hurt, possibly broke, a finger. They transport him....mom follows squad in her car. It was a non emergency. She could have driven him. We get a TON of calls like that. I mean...kid could have drove himself if we're being honest."

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10. The cops aren't here to do your parenting for you.

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"Recently took a 911 dispatching certification and one of my classmates said apparently there's a women who calls 911 when her kids forget to take the trash out. They send a cop over every time. I say just arrest her one time and be done with it.

Also I'm a security guard and a resident called 911 cause they were locked out and I suggested calling a lock smith. Apparently I'm in cohorts with the lock smith and I get some kinda commission from it and trying to extort the elderly."

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11. Well, good to know.

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"When I was about 8 years old I called 911 to see if it would work on a pay phone.

Dial 911 'Hello this 911 what's your emergency'

Me 'oh it works, bye.'"

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12. Did they grab a newspaper while they were at it?

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"Someone called in because a kid (5-6 or so) had somehow gotten locked inside a newspaper box- you know, the kind with a window on the front that lets you see the front page. One of the responders spent a bit of time wondering aloud how they were going to break the 'window' on the box without harming the kid.

After a minute or two of this, a different responder put forth the suggestion that perhaps they should try inserting a couple of quarters first. It worked. Box opened, kid got out and was fine, and no paper boxes were harmed."

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13. Is this why they now serve breakfast all day?

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"Cousin is an operator in a mid sized city in the South. She told me she once got 4 calls in one day to complain about service in fast food restaurants. And then got a call that was complaining the 911 operator they just called (her) would not come arrest the worker at McDonald's for not selling breakfast at 11pm."

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14. Really, Ma'am?

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"Im not a 911 operater, however I am a first responder. Its around 3 am on a tuesday night, im just about to go to bed and my pager goes off. So i rush to the station get my turn out gear on we rush to the scene. It came over as a car fire. We got there and saw no flame. Turns out she left her card in the ATM to long and it sucked it in... she got 4 different stations dispatched..."

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15. I mean, it's not okay to touch someone's cereal, but still.

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"A woman called wanting an officer sent to her house because her 13 year old son ate her cereal. She wanted him arrested for theft.."

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16. To be fair, the sun is pretty scary.

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"BF: I'd like to call and report a fire. [We live in a fire prone area and it was the season.]

911: Where is it located sir?

BF: On the hillside just East of [City].

911: Can you be more specific? [Typing away in the background.]

BF: Yes, [gives a more detailed location]. Oh god, it's getting bigger! The whole top of the hill is on fire now!

911: Stay calm sir, we're sending somebody out.

BF: It's getting bigger! Doesn't anybody else see this?! It's lighting up the sky around it...it's huge! Oh god! Oh...oh, wait...

911: Sir?

BF: I am SO sorry...I'm not usually out this time of night, I just got off work late...that's, that's the sun...

911: ...

BF: I am so, so sorry for wasting your time, there is no fire, that's just the sun rising. Never mind. I'm really embarrassed...

911: That's fine, Sir. I will cancel the call, thank you for calling."

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