Have you done the “Florida man” challenge?
Just plug your birthday along with “Florida man” into Google and see what you come up with. It’s basically a surreal mad libs of felonious human behavior. Anywhere else, it seems impossible. But Florida isn’t anywhere else.
Woman pulls knife on man after he complained she ‘farted loudly’
Sometimes enough is enough. Sometimes bodily functions need to happen. I don’t think anyone needed to pull a knife, but no one needed to complain, either. Mistakes were made on both sides.
Man released from jail, arrested again in jail parking lot for trying to steal car
Many of us have reasoned along similar lines: if you’ve just done something, what are the odds you’ll get caught again? Well, in this guy’s case, it turns out the odds were high.
Miami man with no arms charged with stabbing Chicago tourist
You know, I don’t think a hundred thousand words could convey whatever happened here. It just seems like something you had to see to truly believe.
Florida man locks keys in car to keep cops from searching it
This guy thought he had the perfect plan. Imagine his face when the cops, undeterred and unbamboozled, simply searched his car and arrested him for carrying all of the drugs.
Florida man cuts neighbor with chainsaw during argument over shrubs
Neighborly disputes are nothing new, but you can always count on the good people of Florida to add something new to the mix by using hedge tools in innovative new ways.
McDonald’s drive-thru passenger pulls out replica AR-15 rifle after ice cream dispute
Everyone’s had a difference of opinion with a fast food employee at some point. Usually things are resolved when a manager steps in and hands out coupons. The tactic shown above is never recommended.
Florida boy gets stuck in arcade claw machine
It’s a drastic move, but think of the gains! They’ll have endless things of value, like, uh, brightly colored, oversized novelty teddy bears! It’s definitely worth the hassle.
Florida man who allegedly threatened family with Coldplay lyrics ends standoff after SWAT promises him pizza
A threatening man with a penchant for dad rock who can only be soothed by the promise of delicious pizza? The story described by that headline is an absolute emotional rollercoaster.
Florida man shoots self in leg to profess love for ex-girlfriend
It’s easy to look at this and judge the guy, but just think about the fact that Van Gogh did basically the same thing with his ear and now he’s legendary.
Grandmother pops out teeth to scare off nude man on back porch
I would imagine that developing ways to scare off the random nude interlopers in your backyard is a rite of passage for any Floridian. This grandma is doing what she was born to do.
Man beats boyfriend with novelty singing fish
You know, those Big Mouth Billy Bass things were always a source of joy to me. It’s sad to see that a fun novelty item has been an unwitting tool of violence.
Naked Florida man revealed on video sneaking into restaurant and munching on ramen
When the munchies hit, sometimes they hit hard. And nothing quite satisfies like a delicious bowl of starchy ramen. The nudity, though, I can’t really explain that part away.
Couple steals motorized shopping cart from Walmart, drives to bar
A ride is a ride is a ride, and maybe they figured they were exploiting some legal loophole. But still, those things go, like, one mile an hour. Just walk, man.
Woman shaves legs in crowded Florida hotel pool
I’d like to know the confluence of reasoning that went on in her head to lead her to shave her legs in the cold, cold water of a public pool.
Man enters Jacksonville store and chases people with live alligator
When you see that stories like this, where a man joyously runs into a store carrying a live alligator while it’s streamed on Facebook, it’s easy to think that social media is a mistake.
Man used template he found on Pinterest to print counterfeit money at Pasco library
In a sense, starting your own counterfeiting is an industrious (though almost adorably naive) thing to try. This guy did his best, but apparently the templates he Googled didn’t pass muster.
Florida man charged with DUI after mistaking bank drive-thru for Taco Bell
Whether the drive-thru was a Taco Bell, a bank or, inevitably, the police station, one thing was for certain: this guy wanted tacos, and he wasn’t picky about where he went looking for them.
Florida Man becomes first person to get Bionic arm, says he will use it only for good.
To conclude this list, we’d like to feature this story. Florida, you eccentricities entertain us but at the end of the day, you’re awesome. Please be kind to us, bionic Florida man.
