Pexels | Jonathan Borba

New Rule: The One Actually Giving Birth Makes The Rules In The Delivery Room

Published September 8, 2021

I think I should start by being fair and admitting that the lead-up to a birth can be a stressful affair for everyone involved.

I've supported someone through a pregnancy that seemed like it was going to be tragic and we all shared in the relief when that turned out not to be the case. And I wasn't even in the delivery room where exhaustion, sympathy pains, and other concerns can be tougher on a supportive partner than many people tend to realize.

But at the same time, when we don't have a frame of reference for how pregnancy, labor, and the act of giving birth feels, it can be surprisingly easy to inflate our own experiences and forget that it's hardest for the one actually going through it.

And since that person has a better idea of what they need than we do, they should be the ones who call the shots for how this will all proceed.

As a delivery nurse named Holly made clear in her amusing series of TikTok videos, there are a lot of fathers-to-be in this world who seem to think they're in charge.

And as we can see in one of her videos, this can extend to aspects of the birth (such as whether to get an epidural) that are entirely the mother's business.

A fairly common version of this sort of intrusion involves requesting a "husband stitch" as described by Holly here.

TikTok | @hollyd_rn

As expanded on further in an article from Durham University, this procedure shows little to no evidence of giving the person requesting it the pleasure they seem to think it will.

However, it is known for causing those who get it pain during intercourse later. It's invasive, unnecessary on every conceivable level, and there are sadly cases where it's been done without the mother's consent.

But while I hope we can all agree this is an unacceptable imposition, it's not the only way that women in delivery rooms have reported facing "obligations" from their partners.

pixabay | Sanjasy

As one woman shared, her in-laws demanded to be present in the delivery room for whatever reason and her husband was keen to try and force her to let them in.

This is a good time for a reminder that the person giving birth should and legally does get the final say in who gets to share that experience with them.

And by the way, this even extends to the presence of the baby's father as one woman was well within her rights to keep her cheating husband out of the delivery room.

What this comes down to is that those of us who can't give birth have no real idea how it feels for those in the process of doing that.

Pexels | Jonathan Borba

And in cases where men have been able to simulate a late-term pregnancy or labor pains, they've almost always found it completely overwhelming.

So if a mom-to-be says she needs an epidural or needs someone to not be in the delivery room no matter how much that person inexplicably insists on joining in, assume she knows what she's talking about and respect her wishes.

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