I guess the first question I have is why is your wife falling asleep in public? Just where are the two of you going and what are you doing?
Don't get me wrong — it's hilarious. I'm just confused.
"Before I got married I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge," @iwearaonesie tweeted out.
I hate to break it to you gentlemen, but there's a wrong way to do everything.
I'm sure that this Twitter user's mother was also close by in order to reiterate that statement. I'm not going to lie, if I had the choice between giving birth or getting hit by a car — I'd probably choose the latter.
"I don't understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house," writes Twitter user @KentWGraham.
Thou shalt not pee with the toilet seat down!
"Relationship status: My wife asked me what I wanted for dinner and then told me I was wrong." - Twitter @XplodingUnicorn
The mistake that this user made was assuming that his wife was actually asking him his opinion — she was not.
I don't know who this Twitter user is, but they're a freaking poet. In all my years, I don't think I've ever encountered a better analogy that captures the true essence of what it's like to be married.
"The Mrs and I have been married so long she can finish my sentences," Twitter user @TheAlexNevil brags. "She also starts most of them and supplies the middle parts too."
Brave move @thedad. When my fiancee and I get into a tiff with one another, I go into the kitchen and proceed to dry my hands on every single tea towel we own. Afterward, I open all the cupboard doors.
"Headed to Goodwill to buy back something I donated yesterday because this is my lesson on why marriage communication is so important." - Twitter @simoncholland
Being in a loving, committed relationship means having to always keep one eye on your stuff for fear your wife will take it to the curb.
Men, if you have been with your partner for 5-plus years, don't waste your time trying to seduce them with chocolate and lingerie. Instead, try secretly cleaning the entire house from top to bottom.
Trust me — you'll thank me later.
"Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home," jokes Twitter user @_troyjohnson.
And whose room, exactly? Because as far as I'm concerned, I'm from the planet Hoth and my fiancee is from Tatooine!
That's a Star Wars nerd's way of saying "men are from Venus, Women are from Mars."
Look, it's not that we don't listen — it's that we're easily distracted. Kind of like a goldfish who gets to the other side of the bowl only to forget why he swam there in the first place.
I'd even take this a step further and suggest that the two of you invest in buying a bigger mattress. I never knew that such marital bliss existed until I broke down and bought a king-size.
"If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used." - Twitter @WilliamAder
Now that's a betrayal I could never come back from.
