Have you got everything ready? Car's all packed? Kids are all secure? You've got your boarding passes and your proof of purchase of your hotel reservation? Well then, we're ready to go on this trip that I've planned for you.
Every one of these images is a stop on the road to wherever it is we're going. Does it seem like I've lost track of the metaphors in this introduction? Yes, it does.
But then someone pointed out that the guy in the top right looked like he was having his face sucked by a platypus, and my whole day got better.
They'd start the banter, but I'd give it right back. By the time they arrive, the tension is so high that we have no choice but to make out. Hold on, I've got a story idea I need to get out of my system.
I find that the people who are obsessed with ketchup are also the kinds of people who'll put just plain vinegar on their fries. Aka, monsters.
I know that people make a huge deal about cats, but until this moment, I didn't get it. I still think that most cat love is ridiculous, but for this cat, I'm willing to make an exception.
If you're hot, they're hot. If you're cold, they're cold. Let's take a moment to think about someone other than ourselves, shall we?
This is why I always send pictures of shopping carts to random numbers. That's how all my best friendships have started.
Growing up, my hero was Orel Hershiser. That's not setting up for a joke or anything, I just wanted you to learn something about me.
Like a field trip. But without a magic school bus.
If you just do physical comedy, your friends will forget all about wanting to see you get hammed
That probably says more about my innate distrust of pigeons than anything else. You just never know what they're up to.
Then again, I'm a pretty gullible guy. Seriously, I'll believe anything you say.
I don't know why I've named her Karen. She could have just as easily been a Brenda or a Lori.
And the answer is, because I make it look good, okay? Sure, it's not becoming to be good at creating drama, but I'm going to butter my bread where I can.
I once got this answer very wrong and ended up trying to eat my own legs. It was a whole thing.
Unless, wait, does the cigarette go into the coffee? Because that's less than great.
I'm suspicious of anyone who tips this well. That's so much generosity for a frozen pizza.
Honestly, I'd love it if Capri Sun did something like this where there were mystery packs where some of the flavors were just crazy gross.
This is the weirdest thing I've seen someone do with a log since Twin Peaks.
Unless you aren't picking up on what they're doing here. In which case, you must be so confused right now. I don't apologize for that.
She clearly has some skills — check out that highlight game — but honestly, sometimes less is more.
I tried to convince myself that this was just filmed in reverse or something, but that would still be hella impressive.
It's got all the trippiness of optical illusions, with 65% less eye strain.
I'm gonna land on haircut because I can't imagine finding a wig small enough to fit on a thumb.
