It's no secret that the Kardashian-Jenners are the most famous family in entertainment history. But just because the Kar-Jens are celebrity royalty doesn't mean they get to do whatever they want, whenever they want. Believe it or not, even Kim Kardashian has to live by certain rules.
So, I'm going to run through some of those rules and see how many I could stand to follow.
If you look back at paparazzi photos taken of Kim Kardashian in 2005, you'll see nothing but smiles.
Her best friend, Jonathan Cheban, advised against that.
"[He said] 'Do you think everyone else has smiles on their faces? You are too happy, you are smiling way too much,'" explained Kim.
A few of Kourtney Kardashian's in-house rules include no diet soda, no microwaves, and absolutely no plastic containers.
Both guests and family must abide.
For Kim, anyway.
When asked how much her mobile app rakes in at the Code Mobile conference in Half Moon Bay, California, Kim Kardashian responded, "We’ll never talk dollars and cents."
Scott Disick believes that bikinis don't belong on little girls.
Kourtney told E! News that, while Scott doesn't typically have an opinion on their kids' clothing, but there is a no-bikini rule for Penelope.
According to Kendall Jenner, when she was younger, her mother "would have a nail artist come to the house once a week and she would make us get our nails done."
"She was like, 'You are never going to look like you're not put together.' So we were always getting them done," added Kendall.
They're on-call 24/7.
To even land a job as a Kardashian-Jenner nanny, you must audition and gain approval, like on a TV show.
After that, your life becomes all Kardashian, all the time.
"My mom literally forces us to be picture-perfect. She's been forcing Garcinia pills down Khloé's throat for the last year," explained Rob.
For those who don't know, Garcinia pills are a popular weight-loss supplement.
I fully do not blame Rob for not wanting to be in the spotlight, tbh. That sounds horrific.
In one episode of KUWTK, Kris Jenner asked Kourtney if she "looked fat."
Kourtney snapped, "Don’t use that word in front of my daughter, please."
I'm taking this to mean that she wants to raise Penelope free of any body stigmas, which is cool.
When asked whether Kanye e-mails her with daily fashion tips, Kim said, "Absolutely, he does."
"Kanye sent me an email to not wear huge sunglasses anymore," explained Kim.
I'm torn between thinking this is weird, and also thinking that he was right about big sunglasses. They're out these days.
At least, we know this for certain in the case of Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna.
That's because Kim actually shared a copy of the NDA that Blac Chyna allegedly signed before dating Rob.
That's right — on business endeavors where Kris acts as one of her daughter's managers, she charges a 10% commission fee.
That's fair. Working for free is not the tea, and Kris has that giant house to upkeep. I guess!
On her app, Khloé wrote, “I don’t think I have ever had pork in my home nor would I.”
Khloé explained a time when she almost ate pork unknowingly: when someone else picked up her groceries, they accidentally bought pork pepperoni, instead of her usual turkey.
In fact, one of Kanye and Kim's former bodyguards claimed that he was fired from his job for exchanging a few words with Kim.
According to Khloé, her daughter won't be allowed to watch the show until she's at least 13 years old.
"The rules, kind of, for Kris and I [were] don't dress up, certainly around the house," explained Caitlyn.
"I'd go on the road for speaking engagements, take a bunch of stuff, dress up at the hotel, walk around, do whatever I wanted to do, just to feel a little bit better about myself," she said.
"And I kind of dealt with it that way."
On her blog, Kim began, "Our home decor taste tends to be minimal and modern but the kids' playroom is the one room in the house where I let them run wild."
That makes sense — kids are tiny tornadoes, so keeping that to one room probably saves Kim's sanity.
“At first I was ‘Grandma,’" said Kris in 2013, who now has a total of nine grandchildren. "All of a sudden I didn’t like the way that sounded,” explained the momager.
Instead, she had the kids call her "lovey."
I'm pretty sure she's changed her mind since then.
In her blog, Kourtney wrote, "I have noticed a great positive change in behavior with my children when we stick to a gluten- and dairy-free diet."
Don't growing children kind of need those things, if they're not celiacs or lactose intolerant?
This one's less of a strict rule and more of a guideline Kim likes to follow.
"It’s a trick of the light," said Kim.
"There are paparazzi everywhere, that’s a fact, so if I go out in bright sunlight all my cellulite will be lit up and visible."
For Kim and Kanye, at least!
"Kanye didn't have a phone for four years," explained Kim. "Especially when we first started dating it was rude to bring our phones with us out, so I learned from him to not really bring my phone."
In 2016, Truth in Advertising (TINA.org), a consumer advocate group, took aim at the Kardashians, insisting they make their online marketing tactics more transparent.
These days, you won't find a Kar-Jen Instagram promotion without the hashtag "#ad" in the caption.
Seems they've found a way around this, judging by the use of the word "partner."
Speaking to The Sunday Times, Kim said, “North doesn’t typically wear pink. She wears mauve or blush, not, like, typical baby pink.”
I'm 99% sure I've seen North in pink before, so what's the truth?
On her app, Khloé suggested that her fans keep water, “in your bedside table, your car, purse, gym bag … next to the toilet, lol! NEVER be without H2O.”
She added, "This not only keeps you mega hydrated but will make you feel full throughout the day.”
