Quotes For When Your ‘Ho Ho Ho’ Has Become ‘Ow Ow Ow’

I like to think I’m not really that old yet. Sure, my dyed hair reveals a whole lot more tinsel in the roots these days, but I’m not old, yet, am I?

And then I spend thirty minutes sitting cross-legged on the floor while wrapping the few Christmas presents I have for under the tree and every bone in my body goes, “Holy cow, you’re ancient!”

As a short person, sitting on the floor with my legs crossed has been my go-to for comfort for decades now.

At those family gatherings where there are more people than chairs, I will gladly park myself on the floor instead of one of the random dining chairs being dragged into the living room.

This isn’t because the chairs are too hard to be comfortable — though some really, really are.

Rather, it’s because trying to have a grown-up conversation with a great aunt who still thinks of me as a child is hard when my feet are literally swinging from the too-tall chair. It’s not a fun time.

I’m trying not to give the older generation any reason to stick the now-grown-ass cousins all back at the “kiddy table.”

Maybe that’s the key! I should wrap gifts with my older aunts and uncles around so that when I stand up afterwards they can hear my spine scream in pain while my kneecaps pop in protest.