Diply

Marriage Quotes For Anyone Who's A Pro At Being Petty

Updated September 8, 2021

Let me start by saying I don't think every marriage is made up of petty revenge plots...but I'd be lying if I said I don't think most are.

Look, if you've been happily married for however-many-years and you've never once pulled a harmless, yet deeply satisfying "prank" against your spouse to get back at them for something, then that's great. But for the rest of us, I'm sure we can all agree these moments are what help keep our relationships fresh.

If you're the kind of person who frequently finds yourself plotting your next petty move, I think you're really going to enjoy these quotes.

Ladies, take note.

Hopefully this woman eventually told her husband the truth so he could finally go to bed and not worry about the busted appliance in their kitchen. But if she didn't, and instead let him stay down there all night spitting and cursing while he takes it apart...Well, let's just say I wouldn't blame her.

This is next-level evil.

I'm on the fence about this one because I truly can't imagine anything more heartbreaking than biting into a chocolate chip cookie and tasting black beans instead. I'd even take raisins over that disappointment.

But I'm sure that this woman's husband must have done something especially crappy to deserve this kind of punishment, so maybe we shouldn't be so quick to judge.

Let the kids do your dirty work for you.

This is smart because not only does it keep your hands clean, but it also gives you a rock-solid alibi, so long as your eldest knows how to keep their mouth shut.

"Oh honey, you still can't find the remote? Wow, that's super frustrating huh? Nope, definitely wasn't me, I've been with you all night!"

And then watching him struggle to un-tangle them for hours.

If it's really cold outside then no, I probably wouldn't do this.

But...you know...if it's a decent temperature and he's not going to freeze, then I wouldn't hate standing at the window and sipping my coffee while enjoying the sight of him yanking lights around the yard.