Instagram | @goop

I've Got A Bone To Pick With This Sold Out $300 Knife

Hey gang, I thought I'd take some time today to talk about something which really boiled my onions — and that was Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop brand selling a bread knife for $348, when she also had an identical-looking one for sale for just over $40!?

Goop is a "lifestyle" website for people with one specific type of lifestyle...

And that lifestyle seems to be having far too much money and not a lot of sense where it counts! It is the sort of brand that markets itself using such nonsense terms as "energy healing" and "wellness," and preaches that the natural world can help you live your best life...while making you pay through the nose for this luxury.

Also, it might just be me, but the phrase "lifestyle website" makes about as much sense as "healthy heroin."

In preparation for Christmas, Goop has started pushing some wonderful new stock!

One item that really got my attention, along with a lot of other people's attention, was the "Zwilling 9.5" ULTIMATE BREAD KNIFE" which was priced at an eye-watering $348.

The website claims that this knife's serrated edge will let you cut "even the crispiest baguette without the crust exploding all over the counter." But, unless it has a hoover attachment, I'd like to call hot bullcrap on that statement! A baguette that doesn't leave crumbs is like astrology: it doesn't exist!

What was most baffling, was that there was another freakin' identical-looking knife on the website!

Yes, the "Opinel N°116 BREAD KNIFE" was also advertised, and cost just over $40. So, I'm sure that you are wondering what the staggering amount of differences is between these two products? I know that I sure was!

Well, according to the product description, this knife's serrated edge means that you will never struggle with making a mess of a baguette ever again! Wait...that does sound a little similar to the other knife now that I think about it.

Also, this is just a description of ever bread knife ever, can someone call or tweet Gwyneth to tell her that she sadly hasn't invented the bread knife?

Yet, bafflingly, the products have both sold out!

Both of the knives are now sadly out of stock, which will be bad news for any of you guys out there looking for an overpriced bread knife.

Yep, the entire stock has been bought up by people who have names like Saffron, Rain, or Maximilian (which their parents claim they did ironically) spending trust fund money on overpriced things to fill the hole in their life that they don't know what else to plug up with.

Guys, for the love of God, don't be getting each other gifts like this for Christmas!

Unless your loved one is a professional baker who loves the Iron Man films, don't get someone this for Christmas, get them something they aren't expecting, something they really want but just won't take the risk on, something exciting, something personal...but not an overpriced basic bread knife from a lifestyle website that claims to be helping with your "wellness" while fumbling round in your back pocket!

This year has been tough for a lot of people, so don't get a bread knife for Christmas, please God don't do that to someone you love this year. Let's try and go out on a bang at least and enjoy ourselves as much as we can this Christmas period?

Love to you all (except Gwyneth Paltrow today!),

Aunty Acid.