I've gone through a few big swings on the pendulum when it comes to how confrontational I am. As a kid, I did not take kindly to anyone I thought was being unreasonable, and I let them know it.
In my teens, my natural tendency swung all the way back the other way and for a while I was too quick to back down and too willing to go with what everyone else thought.
Or at least, as close to the right balance as any human being can expect. I am still pretty darn stupid about it on occasion.
When it comes to differences of opinion, I'm happy to have thoughtful, nuanced discussions on the topic, but if you make it clear that you just want an excuse to argue, I'm going to shut you down.
Whether it's over some fandom dispute or fundamental human rights, I'm happy to just say, "I don't agree, but I am not going to argue about this with you right now."
But I also now refuse to just nod and smile and go along with something just to avoid any confrontation at all.
It has caused too much stress and burden on myself through the years, and in many circumstances, does a disservice to marginalized groups if I'm unwilling to tell someone off for saying or doing something awful.
But I do have to refrain from letting it pass without comment and implicitly teaching them that it's okay through my lack of action.
A "dude, that's not cool," may be a small difference in the moment, but that small effect gets stronger the more people speak up.
Even if deep down inside, you're still the same non-confrontational wimp that I am.
