People Share The Craziest Reason They’ve Had To Fire Someone

"Hoo boy! I'd have to go with the guy who in the span of 24 hours:

"Started a fistfight with another employee (on camera, with witnesses) then called the police and said the other guy did it, trying to press charges. I just sent the video. Trespassed on the property the following day and slurred at my boss (on camera, with witnesses), then called the police and said my boss did it. I just sent the video. And, hurt himself somehow and went to the hospital, where he told the doctor he'd been attacked at work. Doc found no injury consistent with his story and well yeah, camera..." ⏤ YDAQ

Sounds like the guy in this story really doesn't understand how damming video-evidence is at all.

"Had to fire a guy for coming to work high on meth and getting lost in a closet while painting it. I asked what the deal was and was told, 'shhhh I am having a conversation'. That was his last day lmao." ⏤ bunnyb2004

I wish I knew what the conversation was about! There were a few people wondering if the fumes of the paint had caused the guy to act so strangely; however, the person who posted this explained that they were certain it was drugs-related.

"We had someone fall asleep at his desk with a lit cigarette in his hand. In an office full of cubicles like maybe... 6-7 years ago? Smoking wasn't legal anywhere indoors let alone in an office building lmao

"And the first time he wasn't even fired. He was fired when it happened again!" ⏤ CactusPearl21

The person who wrote this explained that the person in the story had recently had twins so they thought that may explain his exhaustion. However, they went on to write, "When he got caught the 2nd time, he left work and never came back. He was expecting to be fired because he was on a Final warning. But after 3 days of not hearing from him, he was officially fired for job abandonment. If he'd come back and pleaded his case and asked for forgiveness we could have considered it in our decision, but that never happened."

"Years ago, at a lumber company. Had a guy, less than two hours after he started on his first day, pick up his car with a forklift and stand underneath it to see what was rattling when he drove." ⏤ woodenman22

I think that the rattling sound might have been his brain bouncing around inside of his thick noggin!

"Once a had a guy call in sick to his restaurant/bar shift right before his shift and then proceeded to show up sh*t faced drunk for happy hour during the time he was supposed to be working.

"He was not a bright man." ⏤ skdubbs

A lot of people were wondering if the guy had simply gotten so drunk that he had forgotten that he had called in sick. However, a lot of people were also quite concerned about the man in the story, so the person who wrote this posted an update saying: "To clarify, with this guy it was not an isolated incident. Mental health days are totally legit, just don't come to work for happy hour sh*t faced. Restaurant life is wild on so many levels."

"Dumbass stole a $100 bill out of the register at the end of his FIRST shift alone on register." ⏤ USPSA-Addict

In response to this, another person wrote, "He didn't know about cash balancing?" However, USPSA-Addict responded by writing, "If someone is dumb enough to steal that much out of a register, I don’t think 'knowledge' is enough to stop them."

"One of my ER nurses was chasing another down the hall with a scalpel in her hand screaming at the top of her lungs 'I'm going to cut you bitch!'." ⏤ EzraSteel

A few people were wondering if the woman had simply meant it as a joke, albeit an ill-thought-out one. However, the person who posted this wrote an update explaining, "she just snapped. I remember when I hired her, she had glowing recommendations from mutual friends. I honestly think they just wanted to get rid of her. She lost her license a short time later because of substance abuse. It's a shame really, she was great with our patients."

"Not too crazy. More stupid than crazy. One of the programmers on my team was sitting at his desk looking at porn. And this is cubicle land. No offices. My Director walked into the area to talk to me and saw it. Then it was the first thing he told me about, so I got up and walked over for a look myself and there it was.

"Me and the Director looked at each and I said I gotta take care of this. So we walked back to HR, I told them what was going on and what we saw and they told me to fire him. So I did. He lost a $110K job for looking at porn on his computer at work." ⏤ TheJaundicedEye

That's one hell of a hit to take for looking at pornography! Why in God's name would you ever want to look at something like that when you're in work though? What could you possibly get out of that?

"A guy shaved/trimmed off his pubes and left them scattered across a shared desk in a shared office. When confronted, he pulled a George Costanza: 'Oh, is that frowned upon?'." ⏤ GenXed

I don't think that I would ever have been able to sit at that desk from then on without spraying the whole thing down with a bleach spray. I just can't imagine what goes through a person's head who thinks that this sort of thing is okay?

"I was a bartender/bar manager. This guy came in one night and said he was an aspiring DJ and asked if we would consider hiring him to come in just on Sunday nights to DJ for us. He said we wouldn’t have to pay him at first, he would just take tips and we could renegotiate after he helped to build up our Sunday night crowd.

"He lasted less than 3 months. He drove away so much business and I got SO many complaints. He played the same songs every week and when people made requests (for commonly known songs), he had no idea who they (the musicians) were. I had to fire someone who was working for free. He was a nice guy, which is the only reason he lasted as long as he did." ⏤ MonkeyMeex

Christ, if you're doing a job for free and still manage to get fired, you're really doing something wrong! I can't help but imagine this fella just playing "Come On Eileen" over and over again for weeks on end!

"Worked in an office and they hired a girl from a temp agency to help me. She wouldn't do anything unless I walked her through each step after telling her she had to do it. Come to find out she was playing spider and solitaire on her computer... She was also sneaking out back and the warehouse guys thought she was doing drugs.

"I told my boss get rid of her, I would rather work alone than babysit her so he called the temp agency and told them to stop sending her. She showed up the next day so boss sent her home and called the agency saying hey she is useless stop sending her. She showed up again the next day! This went on for over a week.

"The people at the temp agency said they told her to stop showing but she kept coming in every morning, mind you usually 10 to 20 minutes late. My boss wouldn't say anything to her face so finally, I said hey we can't afford to pay you so we had to let you go through the temp agency. They should have told you. She was all oh I thought they were joking." ⏤ momoispeachy

"My coworker at a coffee shop. She told a customer she didn't feel like making x drink and she should go elsewhere [and] wore cookie monster PJ pants while we had a very strict 'black or khaki pants, no jeans, no leggings' policy at the time.

"She couldn't figure out the concept of milk?? This still baffles me to this day. Like I was trying to show her how to steam milk properly, she was off in la-la land and when she snapped back into the conversation asking, 'What are we doing again' followed by me reminding her and she quite literally asked what was in the gallon jug that I poured into the metal pitcher. I told her it was milk and she just looked at me, her eyes saying, '???!??!!?'." ⏤ carbusinesslady234

I do not know why the idea of someone being just baffled by the very concept of milk is so inherently funny, but it is!

"He worked at the company for 2 weeks, came to the Christmas party on Friday, got sh*t-faced, told the HR manager that she was a slut and would die alone (they had some previous vaguely romantic history, went on a couple of dates or something) tried to fight 2 of the customer service managers who asked him to calm down, and while being escorted out he turned to the CEO and COO and told them to go f**k themselves.

"He showed up to work on Monday talking about how fun the party was and how he had seen some people who would probably be called into HR that morning... he was the first and only employee to be called and was sacked on the spot." ⏤ PoisonAlii

Ah, Christmas parties, they really do sort the men from the boys, don't they? I am constantly terrified of official parties, and I know that after that second glass of wine I really need to go home before something bad inevitably happens!

"He said, "My ex wife died and there’s no one to take care of our kids. Need a week off to sort everything out." Ex called to talk to him. Boom.

"[Also,] one of the guys went to lunch with short hair and came back with a ponytail down to his ass. Identical twins that were sharing the job. All the guys knew and thought it was funny. Yikes." ⏤ ohiomensch

The identical twins swapping situation seems more like something out of a farcical sitcom than reality. The person who posted this went on to explain, "Neither wanted a full-time job. My boss joked to keep the better worker. But in truth liability would be a nightmare as the job they were doing was pretty dangerous."

"I worked at a pet store, and was the lead cashier so I had to train this girl who didn't think she had to abide by the uniform because it's just(store name) and doesn't count as a real job [...] My manager fired her when she tried to steal one of the cats that were up for adoption after being told she needed to wait for approval after they do a home visit and make sure she can care for the cat.

"Her excuse for trying to steal the cat? Her landlord doesn't allow pets so she wouldn't be approved and she'd be a much better pet parent than anyone who else who wanted the cat and much better than any of the customers we got. The girl didn't even last a week." ⏤ blindgirlandherguide

This woman sounds like a crazy cat lady who doesn't even have her cat yet. Also, how would you try and steal a cat As soon as you picked it up it would have just gone bananas presumably?

"Fired a guy for looking to pay someone to cast black magic on the owner and the owner's family to bewitch them into giving him a raise and, ironically, never firing him. Only reason I found out was because he asked someone else in the office for help in finding a witch doctor to cast the spells and word got round. No one wanted to be in the same room as him after that.

"When I confronted him he said the devil made him do it so it wasn't his fault. I live in the Middle East. I definitely did not wake up expecting to fire someone for black magic that day. Side note: practicing black magic is literally a death sentence here." ⏤ rivanko

"Might not be the craziest, but when I was working in Fast Food(Subway) I had to fire a guy for assaulting a customer. He had a bad temper. He threw the tuna scoop at a particularly difficult Karen. I had to request the customer to not press charges." ⏤ dhruveishp

As much as people who have worked in the service industry may resonate with this, and no matter how funny you may find someone getting slapped in the face with scoops of tuna, the backstory was apparently quite tragic. The person who posted this wrote that apparently the guy was "working multiple jobs" and was "very frustrated with life."

"I worked at a retail store and found one of my coworkers was using the company iPad (that we used to play music and order lunches) to go on Craigslist and search for hookups. She didn't even bother to delete the search history." ⏤ arbrady

As soon as I read Craigslist I knew that this was going somewhere strange. Another person asked what she was searching for, and the person who posted this wrote, "It was back when 'casual encounters' was a thing on Craigslist. She was 18 and seemed to be drawn to men at least 20 years her senior. Eek."

"CEO ordered me to fire one of my interns because he was trying to hit on one of the other interns the CEO had the hots for." ⏤ DonkeyTron42

Yep, and that's one of the creepiest answers on the thread by far! Apparently the CEO was a mid-40s man, and the internet was a college-age woman.

"I worked retail, and we had an employee that would hide and take naps inside racks of clothes. Somehow that wasn't the reason we fired her. We fired her for stealing clothes and then wearing them to work." ⏤ asleeppam

And the award for the dumbest criminal of the week goes to, the simpleton in this story!