16+ Tweets By Hilarious Women Who Aren't Holding Back

I'm pretty sure it's Mr. Gyllenhaal's wild eyes that make his doppelganger a CGI lion. Those peepers are intense.

Tyler teaches you how to order pizza four times a week and never eat a single vegetable, Brad tells you you look fat in that dress you love, your breakup with Jordan compels you to get bangs, Kyle leaves his sweaty hockey equipment all over your apartment, and Wyatt is the reason you drink your feelings.

Call me crazy, but I feel like you could probably go into Frozen 2 without having even seen the first one once and you'll still be O.K.

It's 95 percent music, people.

Can anyone explain to me how the most successful women always seem to end up with the most deadbeat, problematic men? Did these ladies not vision-board their lives properly?

Maybe that's why Belle was just smiling politely the whole time because a damn candle stick is man-splaining how restaurants work for almost four minutes straight.

"Never."

The answer is always the same, it never changes, and yet every time, without fail, my dad is simultaneously surprised and disappointed in me.

This is like that time my seventh-grade teacher used my project on "The Outsiders" as an example of how not to do your project on "The Outsiders."

Except, you know, way worse.

If you think he's the "best you'll ever do" then it's time you try being single for a while because you need to check back into reality with the rest of us.

Any other color is just unacceptable and automatically turns me into a character from the movie Trolls.

We came out stronger on the other side. The skin on the back of our thighs came out stronger on the other side.

We can do anything.

Except let's be real, I would be one of those YouTubers with seven subscribers and they're all my mom's work friends who are just trying to support me in my latest endeavor.

This is also me when my boyfriend inexplicably takes the wrong person's side in the story I'm telling. I'm sorry, I guess you didn't know that when you date me you are automatically on my side for everything. I don't care how obviously wrong I am. You're on my team now, baby.

If I ever say that, you better believe I have a damn doctoral thesis ready on the subject because I am never done talking about something.

I'd like to personally thank those people for understanding that eating twelve individual cookies just isn't the same as eating one gigantic cookie.

Let's talk about how every destination isn't even close to being the final one, either. At least no one saw the ending of About Time coming.

(If you've never seen it, just know it's probably the only movie in history without a single plot twist so you genuinely spend the entire film having absolutely no clue how or when it will end.)

My ears don't burn when I hear my name — they burn when I hear some seriously hot tea being spilled in my general vicinity.

I don't care if it's on your iPad, Carol. There's no way anyone can actually workout on the treadmill and read a damn novel at the same time without throwing up all over their shoes.

I also like to watch videos on YouTube of people making homemade macaroni and cheese because somehow that soothes the broken cracks of my soul, too.

Christmas morning doesn't start until mom has her mug of coffee because what else is she supposed to sip slyly while she watches you open that gift she told you she wasn't going to get you?

Turns out I wasn't actually that upset about them being out of the toilet brush I really wanted to buy for the guest bathroom.

Who knew?