Romantic relationships are hard. Let's not forget that. When two people get together, they're blending two personalities, and that can sometimes create issues, no?
Although when things get rough, some couples stick it out in hopes that things will get better. But sadly, that's not always the best idea. So when a recent Reddit thread asked women to share what was their 'That's it, I'm done' moment, it sure was eye-opening.
"My breaking point was when he cheated on me — for the third time that week — with a person online who wasn't even real. I know this because anyone could see that it was a fake account, and this was later confirmed to be true. I was dumb enough to give him a chance after the first time, but I was done. He then tried to convince me that my new boyfriend was cheating on me, in an effort to win me back. You mean... like you did? What a clown."
Wow, that's crazy, right?
"The moment I knew happened the first time he saw me after nine weeks of being apart. Instead of being excited to see me, he snapped at me immediately. I realized I had been happier without him and left for good two days later."
If that isn't a clear sign, I don't know what is.
"The last straw — that literally snapped something in my brain — was him suggesting we get separate bedrooms. I highly, highly suspected he was cheating AGAIN, but I had no solid proof. I knew him well, and I knew his 'plan' was to keep me around for 'wifey stuff' and to keep up appearances because his family looks down on divorce. So, when the time came, I told him we were getting a divorce instead."
Wow, good for this lady here.
"When I came home from work after a 16-hour shift and he wanted to argue about something stupid, we had been having a lot of fights lately and I was over it. I just sat there thinking this is it, it’s never going to change. I stood up and said 'I’m done, I’m going to bed' and started walking to the bedroom. He yelled 'GET BACK HERE I'M NOT DONE TALKING TO YOU' and at that moment I was done, I looked at him and said 'Nope I’m DONE, we are done.' Long story short within a month I was in my new house and single. It was a mess, he didn’t believe we were over because we had split up before and got back together but that was the last time."
That must've been hard.
"He constantly talked over me when he didn’t like the stuff I had to say. I ended up keeping a list of stuff to bring up to him when I got the chance and the list just kept getting longer and longer. Didn’t realize how stressed I was and how much resentment had built up in me until I talked to a friend and everything came spewing out. Broke things off immediately after that."
Sometimes talking to a good friend can really uncover things.
"It didn’t happen overnight but two things — he wouldn’t cook me dinner the day I came home from having abdominal surgery and when my pet died (whilst having an op at the vet's) he wouldn’t comfort me nor would take me to say goodbye to them. In reality, the moment should have been the first few months when he kept ghosting me on dates. For some reason, I decided to stay and see where things went but now I look back and it was a major red flag."
Ladies, listen to your heart. Often, when you see a red flag it's time to think things over long and hard.
"We had been in a relationship for almost a year and the whole time he was manipulating and gaslighting me to a point where I broke down one night. I had been going through a lot at the time with family and losing my job over the pandemic and he knew I was struggling mentally. When I left the bedroom after I broke down, he went to bed. I called my sister and she calmed me down... Needless to say, I dropped off all his belongings that were at my place a few days later."
You're supposed to be there for someone through thick or thin, so if he can sleep soundly through all that, I would be worried, too.
"My fiancée barely reacted when I told him I got a big promotion, which involved a 25% pay rise, a car allowance, and managerial responsibilities. He never listened when I talked to him about my job, but this especially stung. We'd been together for seven years and had our wedding planned, deposits paid, and invites sent out. I'm so relieved I realized I didn't want to spend my life with him when I did."
You would think he would be happy for her, no? But I guess not.
"The last straw for me was finding out that his mother was at our place, looking through my drawers and belongings while I was at work. She found my medication and called MY MOTHER to tell her I was a liar for not telling anyone about my health issue (my ex did know; we just didn't tell her because it was none of her business). I was extremely angry and told my ex what had happened, expecting him to be shocked, too. Turns out he wasn't. He let his mother snoop in the first place, knew that she called my mom, and didn't bother to tell me. At that point, there was already a long history of MIL terror, and he just wouldn't stand his ground or protect me. I left in the evening of that day."
Good for her, huh?
"The last straw was when I caught him smirking while yelling at me. That smirk ended 20 years of marriage."
Sometimes it can be a small thing to somebody else, but it's a trigger that ends years of unhappiness.
"He had been gaslighting me for the entire relationship to the point I started recording what he was saying. He said something and I disagreed and told him he had said something else previously. He gaslighted me and started to get angry. When I adamantly refused to believe him he told me I needed to get to the doctor to get on medication for my 'paranoia' even though I had what he originally said recorded."
Unbelievable, no?
"I told my husband that he needed to lay off our daughter for getting a B on a unit in chemistry. She was asking to quit all her extracurriculars (that she loved) and didn’t want to get out of bed. I said we needed to be worried about her mental state. He said, 'Well, if the kids aren’t going to respect what I say, then maybe I should leave.' It literally flipped the switch on my feelings for him, after 20 years together. Instantly. Our child was struggling and he was so self-absorbed that he could only think about himself."
That's so self-centered, right?
"Dated a guy for 8 years. He got very controlling to the point where I couldn’t go for drinks with friends or even to the gym without getting into an argument because I wasn’t spending 'enough time' with him and wasn’t meeting his 'needs' in the bedroom. Not sure why, but I was even compromising with him and trying to make things work."
"For me, it was when my then-husband blamed me for the weather. Everything that was not perfect was always my fault. He'd been unreasonable like this for so long, but him angrily pointing his finger at me because it was raining was the last straw. I made the decision to gently push him out of my life. The most infuriating thing is that, now, he tells everybody how perfect I was and that I never made a mistake."
I bet he's eating his words now.
"He cheated, manipulated, gaslighting, called me crazy so many times in the couple years I stupidly put up with him BUT it was one day he crossed a certain line I did not know I had. He called me a stupid [expletive]. For some reason that was it, I no longer felt weak- I felt true deep anger. I was soooo angry I threw all his stuff into the dumpster at my apartment. I never spoke to him again. It is so out of character for me to be an angry person or throw something away that is valuable. I felt so powerful."
This is the least he deserved after that.
"My ex was still living with his parents, and I came over for dinner with them. His mum had lit some [candles] in the dining room, and my ex decided that she was trying to poison him (he had just read an article about how even small fires can spread dangerous particles). Dinner ended up with him and his parents yelling at each other over the dinner table, with my ex wearing a gas mask and refusing to eat."
That certainly...is a reaction, I guess.
"One night he went to his friend's apartment and got wasted. He called me at 4am to come pick him up 30 minutes away. I did as he asked and just as I am a minute from his friend's place my cell rings. It's him, drunkenly stating 'I'm home, thanks for nothing.' He had driven himself anyway because he didn't want to wait for me to pick him up and apparently thought I wasn't actually coming. I snapped my pink Motorola Razr shut and drove back to our place, gathered my [expletive], told him I was done, and called my mom. Her first words to me were 'Thank God. Come home.'"
What a great mom!
"We were long distance. When he left the bed unmade and a tag for a new shirt on the floor for me to clean up. I went from 'so sad he’s leaving' to 'I swear to god I will never ever feel this way again'."
It's wild what small actions can immediately flip switches in your head!
"He said something with the intent to emotionally hurt me on a deep, darkest deep level he could. I felt a switch flick in my mind and I just let him go all at once. I felt myself go cold to him. I stopped, looked at him and told him I wouldn't stand there while he tried to hurt me to feel better about himself. I walked out and never came back."
This is the best way to sever things, immediately and severely after they intentionally try to hurt you.
I'm so glad that these brave women shared their bad relationship stories with all of us. If it helps even one person to make a tough decision to leave, then it was definitely worth it. It must've been so hard to get to that point, but after all is said and done, I bet they're so much better off now. Do you agree with that?
