Literally Just More Funny Tweets About Marriage

Sarah Kester
Unsplash | Giorgio Trovato

There’s a lot you could say about marriage. Some good, some bad and some, well, better left unsaid. 

Thankfully, we get the real dirt from hilarious tweets on Twitter. These married folk have no filter, and we love them for it!

Ready to laugh and feel seen? Here are 19 hilarious tweets about marriage

IKEA couple's counseling

Ain't this the truth! Making couples assemble furniture together is a great test of whether they are ready to get married or not. If they can get through it without throwing a hammer at one another, there's a chance.

Cool beans

Couple hugging
Unsplash | Candice Picard

"I can't be sure but I think I just overheard my husband say 'cool beans' on a conference call which is a shame because I really enjoyed being married to him," this wife tweeted.

The mindreader

Ugh, the nerve of this husband! This is something even boyfriends know. When a woman says she's fine, she's clearly not. And when we say we're not hungry, we clearly want you to bring us home some fries.

The ultimate test

Giphy | Insecure on HBO

"I tested the strength of my husband by having him rearrange the living room furniture. I tested the strength of our marriage by having him move the furniture back to where it originally was," this wife tweeted.

It's a different kind of love

Are we playing favorites? Yes, but look how cute the kitty is! In the beginning of marriage, a lot of couples are able to tolerate each other's quirks. But as soon as things get comfortable? Get your bad breath out of our here!

This pro tip

Unsplash | Carly Rae Hobbins

"Pro tip: Lip syncing your wife when she’s complaining about something you did is not as funny as you might think," this husband wrote. The same goes with impersonations! We do not want to hear a high-pitched impression of us.

The husband jokes

You thought dad jokes were bad? This man's husband said to him, "It’s been a while since we went out. Would you like a date." But when he accepted, his husband handed him a dried date to eat and then started laughing.

The contact

Giphy | NBC

"Today I discovered my husband still has me in his phone as “Elyssa Brooklyn” which is SO FUNNY because he’s still in my phone as 'don’t pick up,'" this wife tweeted. She later revealed that he's "basil sex goblin Minneapolis" in her phone.

Lovely Target

Sorry, buddy. Nothing compares to Target! Especially not the sales there. It's a store that instantly makes a woman feel better once she walks in and sees all the possibilities there, like wearing yoga pants without judgement and sipping her Starbucks in peace.

The text

Unsplash | Priscilla Du Preez

"My daughter looked at a text message and said 'Ugh, I don't have enough patience to deal with these dumb boy questions.' Which is funny because that's exactly what I think when my husband texts me," this wife tweeted.

Marriage can sometimes be fun

That is, if you're both down to embarrass your kida! These parents spent time loading the perfect embarrassing songs to play around their kids and their kids' friends. Hopefully, the "Hamster" song was in there.

It's the little things

Giphy | EditingAndLayout

"My wife won an argument before I walked out the door this morning so I got in her car and moved the driver's seat all the way up," this husband tweeted. That'll show her!

The thermostat

Brag away! This is a huge accomplishment, one that you don't hear about often enough. Far too often, the woman is always cold, while the husband is boiling hot. The war will never be over.

The revenge

Angry couple
Unsplash | Milan Popovic

"When my wife gets upset at me I sneak into her Netflix profile and forward all the episodes of her series to the last five minutes," this wife tweeted. She's basically declaring war in her household!

Movie night

It should really be called "Movie hour" since that's about as long as one partner will last before they pass out. And this is usually after they spent two hours picking the perfect movie.


Giphy | Recording Academy / GRAMMYs

"My husband and I exchanged Valentine's Day cards 2 days ago in the card aisle at Target and then returned them to the shelf because we'd rather purchase Valentine's Day cannolis," this smart wife tweeted.

Doing husband things

Why are men like this? They should be wearing a hard hat since they clearly believe they're the ones responsible for overseeing the project. Just wait until they become dads; then the white sneakers come out.

The tragic ending

Giphy | Laff

"Once upon a time, a man poured himself a glass of red wine and sat down on his wife’s white couch that no one was allowed to eat or drink on…" this man tweeted. You can probably guess how that went...

The Wordle competition

Unsplash | Joshua Hoehne

"My husband beat me at Wordle this morning. Please pray for our marriage during this trial," this wife tweeted. While some couples work together to solve it, others go head-to-head like these brave folks.