It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that humans are flawed creatures. We all come with character traits that are both good and bad. No matter how much you strive to be a good person, there are bound to be things about yourself that are less than perfect.
So when a recent Reddit thread asked, "What's your most toxic trait you can admit to?" people dug deep and answered as honestly as they could. Let's take a look at some of their candid confessions.
"I can’t let go of things and I take things way too personally. I rationalize it like this 'I wouldn’t dream of saying or doing something like that to this person, so why are they doing it to me?'”one Redditor shared.
I totally get that because sometimes I do that, too.
"I procrastinate like no other. Seriously, you could give me a year, or two days to do something. Wouldn’t make a difference."
Honestly, this is exactly why I try to do things as soon as possible. The longer I wait, the less inclined I am to do it later. It's a strategy that usually works for me.
"I hold grudges basically forever and I hate it. To put things in perspective with a little example, a childhood friend one time did something mean to me when we were 7. We kept talking after that, but whenever we did I would remember that day with ridiculous detail like it was etched with a laser on my brain. I finally let go of that grudge one day when we were casually remembering childhood moments and she remembered that day and apologized — about 20 years later."
I still hold a grudge against a co-worker who was awful to me over 10 years ago, so I completely understand.
"After a fight, I need time to cool off. I don't particularly like conflict. I feel like if I were to say everything I honestly thought in a fight, I would be incredibly hurtful, and so, distancing myself is a necessary step in repairing things, so I'm level-headed enough to fix what needs fixing later. Not everything you think needs to be said, you should be selective IMO. Every partner I've had gets frustrated that I won't speak to them for a bit, even if I explicitly say that I need time to cool off."
I actually think this is not that bad as long as you explain it to the other person.
"Most of the time when I ask people for their opinions, I don’t actually want to hear their opinion. Instead, I want to hear my opinion come out of their mouth. I’m always hoping that they will have the same opinion as me because it makes me feel validated. I don’t actually care about what they really think."
Wow, that's honest, right?
"I'm emotionally unavailable. Sometimes I just disappear. My closest friends understand this but it's off-putting for new friendships. It's nothing personal, I just need to recharge."
As a person on the other end, that infuriates me. But having read the reasoning behind it, I now can more fully understand where this person is coming from, and it's okay.
"I talk about myself way too much and don't ask about the other person nearly enough. Probably not my most toxic trait but definitely the one that's giving me issues at the moment."
Sometimes the first step is just admitting that you have a problem and then taking it from there.
"Because my father was and is a huge racist I still have racist thoughts that I am fully ashamed of and I know they are wrong. It's just ingrained into me sadly," confessed this Redditor.
Somebody on Reddit put it so greatly. They said "Let me tell you a deep horrible secret about the world: Everybody has those ingrained thoughts. Even people who grow up as the victims of one kind of racism absorb the other kinds from the society around them. There isn't any separation between inherently racist people and inherently tolerant people; the real distinction is people who make an active effort to overcome their biases and people who live in denial of them instead."
Do you agree with that?
"I have a tendency to get extremely excited about things I’m looking forward to like childishly excited, and into it. If for example, I was going to go on a hike through a forest I would study up on what I might see beforehand so I can find specimens and catalog things to be able to share species with companions. I get so excited I often have trouble sleeping, but getting me on one of my 'things' is the most excited/animated you’ll see me. People usually like this excitement. The downside is that if plans fall through I am similarly CHILDISHLY disappointed. It’s not something I can really stop, and though I introvert my reactions for the most part publicly it is a huge detriment."
Aww, it's like working yourself up, and then when disappointment happens you can't handle it.
"I´m way too sarcastic. I do it with friends, family, at work, basically all the time. Most times the joke lands well and it´s received with a laugh. But sometimes I [expletive] up. Not sure why I do it. Maybe I use humor as a defense mechanism like Chandler," shared this Redditor.
I think a lot of people do that so don't be so hard on yourself, okay?
"I'm manipulative and selfish. I just finally accepted that a few months ago. I can't even tell you guys or anyone else the things I've done. Even though I regret them now and know they're wrong I know for a fact I'd have Redditors screaming at me for being a selfish prick. In vague terms, I've used people, lied, guilted, and messed with the system to get what I want and never really thought of it as manipulative until I got on meds and got some help."
Wow, I'm glad to see this person finally own up to this.
"Jealousy and bitterness. I am genuinely happy for my friends when they succeed in life but I'm so jealous all the time. My life is fine, I'm reasonably successful, I wish I had a boyfriend but it's not like I'm a failure or anything. But when friends are really successful in their jobs or relationships or have beautiful homes, there's a small but insistent part of me that wonders: Why don't I have that?"
Honestly, I think there's a part in all of us that does that. I'm guilty of it, too.
"I'm bad at keeping in touch with people I care about. The phrase 'out of sight, out of mind' is really true for me. I tend to just be absorbed by what's right in front of me. It's very rare that I would have a thought like I wonder how my sister is doing or I wonder how a such-and-such friend is doing after XYZ event or even I wonder how my girlfriend's day is going. I care about these people obviously, but they also don't seem to naturally occur to me in my daily thoughts."
Hmm, this is a tough one.
"Growing up feeling very unknown/unseen, I have a tendency to overshare and get excited if someone shows an interest in me. It can come across as overriding and waiting for someone to finish what they are saying just so I can say my thing."
Learning to keep some things to yourself can be hard, but we're all work in progress. Am I right?
"I am extremely self-deprecating. I don't even let others say nice things about me when I myself won't, going so far as to even try and explain why someone's wrong whenever they try to compliment me about something, I just refute it," mused this Redditor.
A lot of the time we are the ones that are hard on ourselves and it's time to let go and accept a genuine compliment.
"I have impossibly high standards for myself and I tend to place this on others as well. Then I get pissy/grouchy when people fail me. Deep down it is a self-protection mechanism, having been let down by so many people, it is just easier to assume and expect the worst, that even the best of those I love will let me down."
Here's my motto in life "have high hopes but low expectations," so if things don't work out or people disappoint you, it's not so bad.
"Admitting this to myself took a while, but I think I might be insecure and unsure of who I am to the point that I feel I need to entirely change my persona depending on who I'm with. Like I will be anyone you want me to be, as long as you accept me and like me. I'm so scared that people around me will leave that I've settled on mirroring other people's behaviors and personalities so that they feel more comfortable and will stay. Who I am as a person depends entirely on who I'm around at that time because this feeds my need for social acceptance. So...basically a people pleaser to the extreme," confessed this person.
I think many of us act differently around various people. It's when you take it to the extreme that it really becomes a problem. And you can't please everyone anyway.
"I’m not good at hiding my emotions. Specifically, if I’m in a bad mood, everyone knows it. I used to be an absolute nightmare when I was younger because of it; I’d turn my bad mood into everyone’s bad mood. I don’t do that anymore, but I’m still not good at hiding it."
Honestly, I can get caught up in this, too. I'm working on it, so I sympathize with this person here.
I'm amazed how many people shared these intimate details about themselves. I don't know about you, but I believe stating this out loud could actually be the first step in addressing these issues. I know I've learned something about myself just by reading these. How about you?
