Marriage is a complicated journey for many people. Some people get married to someone that they are madly in love with and envision an entire life together filled with kids, rainbows, adventures, and sunshine.
Others marry someone to settle down and do what they are supposed to do but realize the love just isn't there. Others get married and realize it's a mistake. Then, there are those who get married and their love might grow slowly over time. But the point is: it's different for everyone.
For every couple, marriage looks totally different. Everyone has their own unique relationship and story after they say "I do." For many people, marriage still means constantly working on yourself so you can be the best version of yourself for another.
51-year-old journalist Heather Havrilesky is one of those people. Her new book “Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage” shows that marriage isn't always sunshine and rainbows for everyone. In fact, many people feel the same way that Havrilesky does.
In the novel, Havrilesky compares her husband to some choice words. She writes that her husband of 16 years is “a pointy Lego brick underfoot,” and also “a smelly heap of laundry” and, still, a “snoring heap of meat.” How charming.
In 16-years, the two have made a life for themselves, including their two daughters. But their marriage is not picture perfect and Havrilesky wanted to normalize that and share that with the world. She pointed out that people put a fake relationship out in the world for everyone to see, when behind closed doors, it can be very different.
In one part of the book, the author shares that she even had a crush on another man during her marriage. However, she was open and honest with her husband about it at the time.
"But in real life from the very beginning I’d told Bill every beat of the situation, to the point where he was like, ‘I’m honestly bored of talking about this."
The book may seem unconventional, but it has a purpose.
"There are a lot less stories and books and movies about actually making a relationship work over the long haul," she told the Times.
Havrilesky explained to The Times that not only are the books an issue, but with social media—like Twitter and Instagram—people always get glimpses of people's lives that are really carefully curated. So, not everything is real, it's all planned.
Havrilesky said she and her husband are always very honest with one another, and believes this is why their relationship has lasted so long.
Despite the book being a comedic approach to marriage, there were critics of the book.
Whoopi Goldberg shared her opinion on The View, when discussing the novel and disapproved of Havrilesky comparing her husband to laundry and meat. On the show, she said, “you don’t need to call people funny names.”
Havrilesky, who has been an avid writer about her marriage for years, was also called out by a New York Times reviewer Walter Kirn.
However, some felt that the story was "refreshing."
Although it may not seem conventional, many feel that it's relatable and honest and for that, they are thankful.
