Firebox

This Kit Lets Us Spice Up Your Kitchen By Growing Our Own 'Willy Chilies'

Updated September 3, 2021

I'm not sure who first came up with the idea of creating penis-shaped foods, but I wouldn't be surprised if even they didn't know they had a million dollar idea on their hands.

It's not necessarily like I see little phallic gummies and pasta batches everywhere I go, but the idea seems to have found its niche because they certainly haven't disappeared.

Not only that, but one new product would have us believe that penile confection marketers have become even more ambitious. After all, who else lets you make the naughty results yourself?

In a way, the idea behind one product from the bizarre minds at Firebox is kind of wholesome.

Reddit | BenjaminPenguin

As their website suggests, they're sending little easy-to-use kits to give us the satisfaction of growing our own chili peppers (or capsicum annuum if you like) before cooking with them.

But of course, Firebox hasn't earned their cheeky reputation by being wholesome.

Firebox

The results end up bearing a strong and honestly pretty impressive likeness to penises and they've taken that fact and run with it.

Apparently, if you want someone to toughen up and "grow a dick," this is how you tell them.

Firebox

After all, nothing brings to mind rugged badassery like carefully tending to a little plant.

Well, I'm exaggerating. The process of growing these chilies is relatively simple.

Firebox

According to the Firebox website, all you have to do is open the cube and pour a small amount of water on the seeds they already went to the trouble of planting.

From there, just keep it in a warm place where the sun can shine through and don't forget to water them.

Firebox

After 12 to 18 days of this, your "willy chilies" as Firebox describes them should turn out nice and girthy as they stand at attention.

The company also said that both the soil and the chilies themselves are 100% organic.

Reddit | GuendaKawaai

They've also been marked as "suitable for vegetarians" just in case anyone was worried about somebody sneaking in any unexpected byproducts.

The box itself is also supposed to decompose on its own until it becomes coconut fiber fertilizer to help the chilies grow even bigger.

Reddit | itwillsnowsoon

So it's not only eco-friendly, but will still come in handy when you're ready to repot your chili plant.

They've said that they're planning to make a terracotta pot shaped like a vagina for this purpose, but I guess we won't know whether that part's a joke until we see it.

The whole kit costs $12.71, but I'm afraid you'll have to wait if you want some "willy chilies" for yourself.

Reddit | ReginaldPierre

It seems like enough people have been clamoring to "grow a dick" that the product is now out of stock. But you can still pre-order for when supplies return.

h/t: Firebox

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Food & Drink