Our story starts with a guy at work using the employee bathroom on the 8th floor. This is Australia -- that's an important fact to keep in mind.
I'm sitting there, doing my sit-down-business because boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. I've just finished the dirty work and I'm about to perform my ablutions, but I delay it because it's a "paid to sh*t" thing, dicking around on reddit a bit. At this point I feel something jump onto my balls. Something I had never hoped I would ever experience, let alone talk about on the internet.