"Son of a..."
If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all. I'm pretty sure this saying was made for me.
I should keep a GoPro going just to document it all but, don't worry, it's all firmly planted in my memory despite numerous attempts at hypnosis.
I know there are others out there like me and, luckily, many of us can laugh at our perpetual disappointment.
I said "many" of us, right?
"Son of a..."
When you finally got up the nerve to ask out the hot chick at the gym but her shirt basically reads, "Step off, son!"
When you've been so pumped to catch a glimpse of Avatar 2 and your "friend" thinks this is funny...
When your mom tells you your friends are there but it's really just the stinky kid from down the street who picks his nose...
When you've already planned your wedding in your head but your "fiancé" is already taken.
When you've listened to your friend's joke for five minutes and there is no payoff...
I like to call my take on this "Scorched Earth".
The first of many days you wonder if you just might be adopted...
Just when you thought you had game, too...
So much for getting that next invite...
When you see the tape in front of a urinal as a challenge and only manage to dirty your pants.
When you thought you were landing the "kissing booth" this year but you've been totally typecast...
When you've repeatedly asked your kids to tell you about projects in advance but the most they can muster is the night before...
When a Harry Potter fan finds holes in the story, life seems pointless
"Hooman, I pushed the button and all I got was this lousy frozen water."
Keep in mind, though, that those cats run your life. Do you want to get a good night's sleep? How about leave your house for more than two hours and not come back to a complete and total mess in your house? Yeah...you might not want to get on their bad side.
Who are you to judge how Kenny lives his life?! We've all had our struggles trying to diet, but just not eating isn't the answer. Look at the size of that backyard! Maybe a lack of exercise is what's really keeping Kenny from getting that summer bod.
So the whole idea of a home-cooked meal is showing that you can actually create something. You don't even have to do all that much.
Do you understand how easy a baked potato is to make? Microwave some peas. Throw a slab of chicken on a grill. If this is your go-to date night meal...you've made a huge mistake.
But still, if I'm eating this, there's a good chance I'm a broke college student who is barely getting the nutrients I need to study for 21 hours a day. Cut me a little slack!
I know shrimp is expensive or whatever, but I'm pretty busy putting in the bare minimum at school. At least my excuse for a meal can help even things out.
Look at that sad...face? I see it. You see it. It's real. All those childhood memories just passed off, never to be rediscovered. OK, now I'm crying.
Every parent will tell you that they did everything in their power to provide for their family. So you can imagine what it would be like to toil away night and day, making sure your child has everything in the world, and then when you walk into their room as they were supposed to be studying, this is what you see.
When you wake up and realize you'll be alone forever. And in typical '80s movie fashion, she went on her own and had the best time ever, finally realizing her perfect match was waiting at the prom all along. It's beautiful, really. This is still like Chapter 3 of the novel.
It's one thing to be disappointed on Christmas. When you ask for the world, don't be surprised if it doesn't quite work out for you. But to get the EXACT SAME SHIRT as the one you're already wearing?!
At least your new shirt should be soft enough to dry your tears with.